Am I the right one?!

When I was assigned to prepare for the devotional material for the retreat, I accepted it as a job. However, the more I am looking into it, the more I am unnerved. I have to ask myself, also to you, "Am I the right one to do this?"

Today when I was doing some online research about devotion, I came across a devotional writing by Lysa TerKeurst, the president of Proverbs 31 Ministries. A paragraph of the writing has agitated my nerve so much that I am compelled to ask for your prayer.

"I had been obedient but only to a certain point.

I was good but I was not holy.

I had faith but had no desire to be put in a position to really have to practice it."

I am sorry to admit resonance of this statement. The Holy Spirit spoke directly in me, "Aren't you alike this? How dare you want to lead the devotion even when you YOURSELF don't do it regularly!"

Don't make me wrong, I am not trying to shake off the duty by writing this. I just want to ask for your prayer support:

1. First of all, I thank God that He doesn't give up on me. He draws me back through this incident by reminding me NOT TO be a surfing Christian, only floating on the surface, rather to be a diving Christian, practising my faith in His words and daily intersection with Him.

2. Secondly, please pray for me and ask strength, discipline and wisdom from God, so that I can do devotion regularly. Otherwise, I have no position and confidence to lead the devotion in the retreat.

I take this as a challenge and a learning process. May God use it mightily.

Julia